Friday, April 10, 2009

Under the Knife

The ad during my stories finally drew me in. I've been struggling with my physical appearance my whole life, and now I'm finally in the waiting room. In the waiting room, waiting for my share of -pasties, -augmentations, and -ectomies. For as long as I can remember, I've wanted to have cosmetic surgery, and for a while I've been able to afford it. Like a tattoo artist, I want to be sure my plastic surgeon is worthy of my time and money, and whether I can trust my surgeon with my physical appearance. What could be more important?

Oh, God. Here I am, under the knife. I can't believe they didn't put me under for this. I'm having so much work done, and I'm going to be awake for all of it! This is the only plastic surgeon in the state with exclusively five-star reviews; I have a feeling that might change when I leave here tomorrow. Oh, God.

Now I get to see the miracle that I paid for. Where the hell is the mirror? HEY!!! WHY ARE THERE NO MIRRORS IN THIS ROOM?!?!?
Oh, sorry, ma'am. Right this way.
This is a long hallway.
Yes it is.
I wasn't talking to you.

Oh my God sweet Jesus. I look inhuman. I am more asymmetrical than a three-legged spider. I look like a three-legged spider being attacked by a squid! What the fuck!
We did everything we could with what we had to work with.
What do you mean? I looked like a normal person before! I even acted a few amateur porn videos on the internet! Mine was on the front page for months at one site! How can you say this is the best you can do?
Take off your clothes and look at yourself in the nude. That may help with your overall impression.
What the fuck? Where's my twat? What happened to my tits? Oh, God. I think...

Where am I? Oh my God! Monsters! At least they haven't seen me yet. They're fighting to the death! Oh, shit. They're eating the loser. Oh shit! It's not even dead yet! I've got to stay hidden.

I think I've got this figured out. God, I'm hungry. Whenever he makes a mistake or have a customer they know will not be satisfied, Dr. Cheflo's five-star reputation is at risk. So he makes them into monsters and throws them into this arena. With nothing to eat but each other. Damn, he's sick. God, I'm hungry.

Time to hunt.